New Blog

I've started my new blog! Yeaaaaa. New beginning. I am happy to say that I really believe I have the panic under control. I still have hyperventilation problems that sneak in during the day - but I have been able to control them. I found that concentrating or meditating with all my focus on another part of my body - for example my little toe , or my the back of my elbow, surprisingly helps nipping the hyperventilation from starting. It's so hard to explain - but I literally feel like there is a switch in the back of my nose that turns on and off. Before that would start the panic attack. Now it only has power to start the hyperventilation.. . .

The factors that were creating the panic and stress are all but gone - for the most part.

My son is doing well in his new school and has only received one detention. A far cry from being a Hispanic assassin who was getting detentions everyday. I'll never forget the "honey mustard" detention. The one he got b/c he got up during lunch. He's been so resilient. He would have done better in school if his mom had been more there for him. But these past months were just terrible :(.

Hopefully my dad's estate will have some closure as well. I did some brainstorming this past weeks and called up the same clerk of court who told me I would need to be bonded for the amount of money left in the state. There is no way I would be able to that - but I called her back and asked her what would happen if my sister and I were both co-representatives. BINGO! She said in that case we would only need a nominal surtey bond of only three hundred dollars.

The living situation is better. I am staying with a nice older Buddhist lady, and a friend of mine heard about my situation. She is leaving her rent stabilized apartment b/c she's moving back to Europe for good. So I will paying 725 for a two bedroom in a nice part of town. Plus she's leaving all her furniture which I am buying for next to nothing. Unheard of! I am excited to have a room for myself and room for my son.

Anyways ....I went to see my psychiatrist today ..and he talked me into something. And I said YES.... I told him how sad and depressed I was feeling and that I was obbsessing about the event that started my panic disorder and the events surrounding me trying to get help with it. That it not my normal way of being pre Panic Attacks/Disorder.

Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I am only going to try it for three months ..I told him about how difficult it had been to get of the Clonzopine ...and well...I'll talk about that later...I'm tired of that subject today.